The Difference Between Healthy Love & Unhealthy Love

To set up the context for this exploration, let’s quickly define what’s going on here. Generally we hear love defined as either conditional or unconditional. Conditional love would be loving something based on a certain set of conditions being met. i.e. “I only love this person if they do this for me, if they don’t, then I don’t love them.”

Unconditional love would be more so “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.” Note, this does not mean unconditional love means sacrificing, staying in unhealthy relationships or abuse etc. It simply means the feeling of love is always there. Like a mother or father loving their child.

Healthy Love Versus Unhealthy Love

Leaving the ideas of conditional and unconditional love aside for a moment, let’s look at two types of love.

Unhealthy love can be seen as giving up aspects of yourself simply to please someone that you might be with. It can also come when you depend on the other person or need them for your own happiness or joy. Unhealthy love can be addictive and keep you locked up in stagnant periods of life where you use this form of love to avoid moving past your own challenges. Simply, unhealthy love is more about what the mind’s idea of love is. It can often involve playing games, manipulation, sacrifice and so on, all of which you will notice is quite draining to do, yet you can’t let it go.

Healthy love is something that is mutual between two people and no one gives themselves up to experience it. It is based on a feeling within versus what’s going on on the outside. It’s about allowing your partner to go through their own experiences and not judge them. Support them and understand them regardless of if they may have triggered a button within you. Together, you are open, can communicate and grow. You don’t need each other but simply work as a team to move through life.

How To Experience Healthy Love

The bottom line is, whatever experience you are having now is totally fine. Why? Because even if it isn’t entirely what you want, it plays the role of showing you how you feel when you are outside of your soul’s desires. Accept the experience you have right now and thank it for showing you another color of life.

To transform your experience of love, look at the many facets of unhealthy love and see if any apply to you. If they do, reflect on each piece and find the source of why you feel it’s there. For example if you feel you are addicted to your partner or need them around, ask yourself why that is. Writing things down and reflecting on it or talking to a person with experience in moving past the challenge can also help.

In the end you are looking to find out why you are feeding that need for the other person (or whatever challenge is unique to you). It could be because you don’t feel complete within yourself. It could be because of a past pain or reluctance to put yourself out there. Whatever the case may be, as you reflect and become aware of it you understand more about yourself and in turn can choose to move beyond it and process those emotions.

Joe Martino
I created CE 5 years ago and have been heavily at it since. I love inspiring others to find joy and make changes in their lives. Hands down the only other thing I am this passionate about is baseball. Find my work at Collective Evolution where this article first appeared.